The End of a Hiatus...

       Initially when I decided to create this platform I was eager to get it up and running. Reading is so important to me because it allows me to travel without actually leaving my bed. It allows me to feel certain emotions as well as experience certain things in life without actually becoming too vulnerable. It truly is one of my favorite pastimes and it seemed to be that of so many of my peers....
         I wanted to figure out a way to unite us all in a way that was different from the typical book club. Let's face it, life gets in the way of so many things at times. Whether it be school, work, kids, family, or simply just feeling too many emotions at once that it's crippling. I'm still working through the kinks and aim to really propel this to a level that I may not even be 300% sure of yet. That's the beauty of it though. Riding the wave and seeing where it takes you.    
        That last line in the previous paragraph, "riding the wave and seeing where it takes you...", it's so much easier said than done, right? We have been conditioned to want to control everything. We have a plan or a path we want to take with a desired/expected outcome. When life shifts and bumps us off of that path we are blinded. Stuck in the moment. Trying to figure out how to jump back on the path, getting back to the last step that we stumbled from. At the same time we do not realize that maybe this bump was necessary. Maybe the new route is the one that will tie the journey together and make it worth while. 
       These last few months have been terribly challenging for me, crippling and immobilizing to describe it lightly. Most wouldn't guess though because I don't talk too much. I don't overly express myself or allow too many people to see my vulnerability. It's scary. Not because my mom and dad conditioned me to feel that way (they didn't) but simply because I have never wanted to be too vulnerable in certain areas. Trust is important to me so before I tear down barriers or peel away at layers I've got to trust you. Fair enough, right? I don't like opening the door to unwanted critics. I've been burned too much as it is. Sometimes people spare no consideration for others when criticizing them. 
        What did I do to aid my challenging journey? First and foremost, I won't say that I've made it thru as of yet, however, I am pushing forward. Well some days, as mentioned previously, I couldn't move. I buried myself in emotion until I absolutely couldn't anymore. Not picking up a book for days, not answering phone calls, texts, etc. Meanwhile other days, I dove into poetry and affirmations. Completing two to three books in a day. I've read over 40+ novels and poetry compilations since July 4th. I didn't lose sight of my love for them yet I couldn't bring myself here. To this platform, to write.
       The last two books I picked up, Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff by Richard Carlson, PH. D, gifted to me by my ex's parents in 2011, and tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom, which I haven't even finished yet, really woke me up. I've always been an anxious person. Wanting to be successful and do things the right way. I'm a planner so by design I always have an outline/to-do list and just want to check things off as I go along. I think hiccups stress me out more than the average joe lol Reading these books, especially Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...and it's all small stuff, reminded me that everything that is happening is what makes the victory that much sweeter. The second chapter, "Make Peace with Imperfection", 9 pages into the book was like my lightbulb moment, my revelation (I've had many). It centered me. Allowing me to regain the confidence to write again. I'll be honest, writing was never my strong suit and it took a while for me to even want to venture into sharing my thoughts because I hate being judged. But I came to the realization several times, which to some may seem like common sense, that people are going to judge you regardless. I constantly have to remind myself of this because I approach people without initial judgement. I allow the interactions and words of the person to really paint the image that they represent...
         To the anxious reader, I urge you to pick up a book from a genre that smoothes your mind. It doesn't have to be anything that I have recommended. What works for me may not work for you but just give it a try. In days that communicating becomes hard, free your mind by reading...

Books featured in this post:

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...
and it's all small stuff
by: Richard Carlson, Ph.D

tuesdays with Morrie
by Mitch Albom

Thanks for letting me peel away at a few layers...
More to come :)

Endless love always, in all ways!!